So, I forwarded this letter to the editor to Adam (partially 'cause I know it'll really get him going)....here's the original and his witty response. Analogies galore and several valid points from both sides.
The Instigator
A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (ex Monty Python)
Sunday January 26, 2003
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer.
I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and
all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want! And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.
Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.
Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
The Response
OK Jonny, you asked for it...please forward this on to ANY of your friends who may be confused about the potential upcoming war, as this writer is. The writer of this message is obviously unread and incapable of logical thought. Allow me to give a different perspective on this colorful, yet incorrect analogy:
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A few years ago, Mr. Patel, the owner of one of the largest Water distribution plants in my area went to Mr. Smith's Water plant and took over the operation by force using guns. He also robbed and raped Mr. Smith's employees. Mr. Smith is a good acquaintance of mine, so me and some friends went over and forced him out. On his way out of Mr. Smith's plant, Mr. Patel emptied all of Mr. Smith's water tanks into the ground. We were going to take over Mr. Patel's plant, since he is obviously unstable, but some of our friends thought that would be too much. Instead, we agreed to leave him be if he agreed to keep to himself and eliminate any guns that he might have. He agreed. In order to ensure his compliance, we had some of our friends stay behind to make sure that there were no guns.
For a while, everything was fine and my friends found no guns; then one of Mr. Patel's ex-employees told my friends that the guns were hidden and where to find them. As soon as my friends began looking in the right places, Mr. Patel immediately forced them out of his Water plant.
Last week, someone crashed their car into my house. We know that Mr. Ben did it, but we cannot find him. What we do know, is that one of Mr. Ben's closest friends lives in Mr. Patel's plant and has received money from Mr. Patel. Mr. Patel praised Mr. Ben and his associates. Mr. Patel also gives money to families of those who die when crashing their cars into people's homes and admits it.
Mr. Patel says that he has no guns...but he used an even scarier kind of gun on his own employees, killing those who he manages. My friends and I have sent messages and ultimatums to Mr. Patel many times now, but he ignores them. We have even told him that if he does not get rid of his guns (yes, the same ones he used to invade Mr. Smith's plant, waste the water and kill his employees), we will once again come in, and this time take his plant from him. He still refuses to comply. As we get ready to take-over his Water plant, Mr. Patel has let my friends back in to check for guns. In our most recent ultimatum, we required that he turn over the information of where his guns are or how he destroyed them. Instead, Mr. Patel let them in, but showed them nothing. We also have photos of inside his plant, where we have suspicious evidence of guns being there.
Yesterday, my friends found guns that he is not supposed to have. Although they told him to destroy them, he will not.
What are we to do? Does Mr. Patel sound like the type of person you ignore and hope he will go away? I he the person you want in charge of most of your water? Even worse, what if he does take over the neighboring water plants and gains control of most of the world's water? Does that seem like the kind of world you want to live in?
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In the 1938, Neville Chamberlain, the PM of Britain wanted peace more than anything...so much that he ignored the obvious signs that a madman was bent on world domination and the torture of his own people. Neville Chamberlain even signed the Munich Agreement which GAVE part of Czechoslovakia to the reigning party of Germany, the Nazis. Most of the people of Britain supported this the policy of "appeasement"; after all, it averted war.
In 1939, Adolph Hitler blew off the Munich Agreement and took over the rest of Czechoslovakia, then went on to Poland. At this point Britain had to declare war on Germany.
What will it take for us to learn from our own history?
Many people support the modern appeasement policy. They believe that France, Germany and Russia are standing up for the moral cause. They are wrong. These three "friends" of ours are standing up for the one thing that most accuse the US of...the dollar. The president of France has long been a partner of Saddam Hussein's. He created the original agreement that sold Iraq a Nuclear reactor, which the Israelis fortunately destroyed. France is also very active in the trade of arms. Most of the Iraqi military use French weapons, including the very expensive and very good Mirage jet fighters. In addition, France has additional trade concerns with Iraq, such as the Peugeot automobiles which are no longer sold in the US, but thrive in Iraq. Germany and Russia also have economic ties, such as massive loans that may not get paid back if Hussein is ousted. At least Russia admits it.
Luckily we have friends in the world...yes, it's true. Though some would tell you that we stand alone, more than 41 countries stand with us. One of whom is Israel; many ask why we stand with Israel on this when Hussein has his own issues with them. The answers are that they were attacked without provocation by Hussein in the 1990 Persian Gulf War. In that war, we specifically asked them not to get involved for the sake of the international coalition. They agreed; even though they were being bombarded with SCUD missiles from Iraq daily, they never got involved. That is what I call extreme international cooperation.
I hate to focus on a particular political group, but the situation requires it. The liberals in the US are so concerned with attacking Bush, they are not looking at the big picture. I am not Bush's biggest supporter; not by a long-shot. Where were the Peace activists during Clinton's presidency? I believe we attacked Serbia and Kosovo during that time...not to mention the hundreds of military interactions we had with Iraq.
We as humans have become dependent on Oil. Right or wrong, that's how it is. We cannot have a man such as Hussein in charge of the world's oil and that is what he wants. Those who say no Blood for Oil, I say put your money where your mouth is; discontinue the use of automobiles, oil-driven heat, and all products made with (i.e., plastics) or by machines that use oil.
For those who long for peace above all else, I recommend talking to the Kuwaiti people who did nothing wrong, but were violently invaded by Hussein. Talk to the thousands of Iraqi who have been executed, gassed, tested on and tortured by Hussein. Then tell me that this war isn't just.
The writer of the article below truly displays his ignorance when he sarcastically asks, "maybe the safe thing to do is eliminate all Muslims?". Some of the staunchest supporters of Hussein's removal are Muslims. Bush has done everything in his power to show that this is a war against Terror and those who support it. he has met with the Muslim leaders, spoken at Mosques and reached out to Muslim countries. Whatever you believe the reason to be, when Kuwait was invaded by a violent enemy, who came to help first? Was it other Muslim countries? No, it was the United States. As prejudiced as the writer believes Bush to be is nothing next to the prejudice that this writer and many "liberal spokespeople" display to Conservative Americans.
We should be proud to be Americans; proud to be the ones who turned away from the isolationist policy to come to the aid of Britain; proud to be the ones who liberated France, Germany and most of Europe from the Nazis; Proud to be the ones who showed valor after victory by rebuilding Germany and Japan after WWII (now two of the largest and most thriving economies in the world); Proud to be the ones to come to Kuwait's aid and force Saddam Hussein out; Proud to be the ones to finish the job if we must.
Thank you,
Adam